On the road back to normal

After spending the better part of a month bleeding in some form (spotting for two-ish weeks and miscarriage bleeding for one week), I am now free.

My feelings on the end of this month's reign of blood?

This video sums it up best:

I asked my doctor if I could have a "get out of periods free" card for the next few months, and he laughed. Not mockingly, he genuinely thought it was one of the funniest things he's heard in the eight years he's been an OB. I am so sad that he's leaving the practice and going somewhere that doesn't take my insurance. Otherwise I'd have him deliver my next child. Sighs...oh well.

If you are male and reading this first part, I am so sorry.

Hopefully the mood swings will go away too. Seriously, one day I'm doing fine, and the next....

For all of my fellow Whovians.

That's probably an exaggeration. Really what happens on my bad days is that I just become more withdrawn and don't really want to be around people. Actually, I still have some trouble being around other people--mostly because now that they know I had a miscarriage, I feel as though no one really knows to act around me. It could just be the anxiety talking though. Oh yeah, my anxiety has been acting up more recently too, causing some insomnia and the like. I hate anxiety--I wish it would just go away and never come back.

What are my plans now? Mostly getting back into the swing of things, but not overdoing it. I've re-started FlyLady's baby steps because housework was on the backburner while the methotrexate made me want to sleep all.the.time.

Are we going to try again? Eventually. Again, I need a bit of time to recover, and frankly it's nobody's business when we start trying to get pregnant again ;)

However, I have found out that my progesterone levels are not so hot. I've been spotting for at least a week before my periods for the last several months, and that's a classic sign of progesterone issues. My doctor and I are going to be working on getting that balanced out so I'm not bleeding two weeks out of every months.

And since my doctor is leaving and the midwives I saw during my pregnancy with Kate have left, I'm in the market for a new doctor. Yeah, I could follow the midwives, but they've moved to a really large practice and I'm afraid of getting lost in the shuffle over there. Plus, I feel like I need to see an actual OB for my next pregnancy, since I'm pretty much guaranteed to have ICP in future pregnancies, and there was some disagreement in how to handle my case, since it was a pretty big practice. I don't mind group practices, I just want a smaller group for my next pregnancy.

Then there's the fact that Stephan needs a doctor. Do we both just go to a family practice so I have a way of renewing my prescription when it's time and I look for an OB when I'm actually pregnant? Urgh, decision decisions. Or I could stay with the current practice, which is going down to three doctors, but again, one of those doctors was willing to let me go longer even though my Bile Acids levels were borderline severe. Argh.

I shouldn't panic about this right now, but it's so hard not to because...ANXIETY!

For some people it would be easy to just go to whoever is close, but unfortunately, we don't live very close to a lot of doctor's offices. Oy.

I miss living in Orem--we lived close to three hospitals and so many doctor's offices. Sigh. Oh well.

Okay, I got off on a tangent there. Back to our regular posting.

I'm also going to try getting back into a routine of moderate exercise and healthy eating. I've been cooking dinner most nights this week, so that's a good start.

So...that's how things are going. Miscarriage complete, want to not have periods for a while, trying to get back to normal (or something like it), and contemplating doctors.