Our (Neurodiverse) Family

In honor of ICP Awareness Day. Even normal pregnancies are fraught with many emotions. There's the emotions surrounding the transition: excitement and nervousness. Then there are the emotions about going through pregnancy itself: Ee! I'm going to have a baby! Oh my gosh, you mean I have to go through nine months of THIS? This random thing is making me cry. The baby is kicking! It's so beautiful! Aggh, my life is over! You get the idea. When you find out that your pregnancy is high risk is another matter altogether.  I know for other high risk moms that there is a lot of anxiety and stress surrounding their pregnancies. Extra appointments; possibly lots of medication; worrying about the baby; worrying about their babies needing extra help when they come out; worrying about long-term ramifications to their babies and possibly themselves; etc. Now, I speak only of my own experience having a rare pregnancy-related disease here, but these are some of the emotio...

Physically: Zzzzzzzz....Livia has not been sleeping well. At all. We don't know why. Argh. But even when she does sleep well enough, I have insomnia. Grr.  Emotionally: Feeling slightly better...maybe? I haven't felt quite as foggy in the head despite my sleep deprivation. Maybe it's adrenaline.  Spiritually: Not doing so hot. I've been feeling empty and trying to fill the emptiness with really ridiculous things--maybe spending a little more than I should, too much internet time, trying to escape reality. I really need to do more meaningful things with what little free time I have.  Goals: take things a little bit at a time in all areas in my life. Stop with the all or nothing thinking.

I am an ICP Warrior. Two times over. What does that mean? I had Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy (or simply, cholestasis) twice. ICP is a rare liver disorder (1 in 1000 pregnancies in the United States) where bile production is slowed down or stopped, causing bile salts to develop in the bloodstream. One of the most common symptoms of ICP is intense itching. Intense doesn't begin to describe just how miserable the itching is, at least for me. Imagine you have bug bites all over your body, and I mean every square inch. The itchiest kind. Then turn your skin inside out. That should give you a small idea of how bad it was. No, this itch cannot be helped with Benadryl (though it can help with sleeping for some). No, lotion will not help because it is not dry skin. Unless that lotion has menthol and/or lidocaine in it, then it will give some temporary relief. My favorite remedy was the Aloe Vera sunburn relief gel that has lidocaine and menthol in it. And no, I could not ...