Our (Neurodiverse) Family

You just came out with your own battle with depression and anxiety, and you have the crippling fear of people not liking you. I thought I was the only one! True, you say that you compensate by being bubbly and fun. I compensate by acting like I don't give a damn and proceed to subconsciously sabotage friendships so I can have a reason to say nobody likes me! Yes, I am totally screwed up. Okay, maybe we can't be friends then. Or maybe you can teach me to be bubbly. Or at the very least, my four-year-old and I loved you in Frozen and our daughters can be friends and play together! Maybe I'll watch you in "Bad Moms" this summer. Anyway, thanks for being open about your own struggles with mental illness. I already thought you were awesome for being pro-vax and just being cute all around, but opening up about your own battle just makes you all the more real. Let's have a playdate sometime, okay girl? Okay! Signed, Laura

I have finally gone back to therapy, after close to two years. My therapist had been wondering about me. That's why I like her--I'm not just a number. She never forgot me! She did a follow-up anxiety assessment. When I started seeing her a few years ago, my anxiety. was classified as "severe". At this appointment, my level was critical. CRITICAL That's worse than severe. I had no idea that my anxiety could get any worse than severe.   Of course, it's not like the last two years have been stressful. I mean, other than a miscarriage, my husband getting laid off, going through unemployment, husband adjusting to new job, me having a difficult pregnancy, husband's father dying, and then having a new baby... Yeah, pretty sure most people don't have that much craziness happen in a decade. What can I say, we seem to enjoy doing all the stressful things at once in this family. I don't know why, but it is what it is. It's ...

Oh, here I am again. It HAS been a while. I haven't really known what to write about and unfortunately, I do not have good news on the job front. Stephan has been applying and interviewing, but instead of job offers, he gets messages saying, "Thanks but no thanks." It's starting to get old. Sure, there are some nice things about having Stephan home these past nearly two months, but the fact we don't have money coming in (well, we will once the unemployment stuff kicks in) is very stressful.  Stress is not good for my depression and anxiety, so of course I've had a flare-up of those. Unfortunately we no longer have health insurance and since we don't have money coming in, I can't go see my therapist. Ugh. Then there's the question of what to do to occupy ourselves in the meantime. I've read some articles on the web that give advice on what to do during unemployment, and ironically most of the tips include, "Take a trip! D...

Like countless others, I was genuinely sad to hear the news of Robin Williams death, and even sadder to learn that he took his own life. My thoughts and prayers are with his family, who are without a doubt devastated and wondering if they could have done anything to prevent it from happening. Of course, since Robin Williams was a celebrity, the internet and blogosphere has exploded with stories of those who had the privilege of knowing him, those expressing condolences to his family, but also (thankfully a minority) criticism of the choice he made, even people who are saying that he must be in hell. Then there are the people who think that depression and other mental ailments are made up and make it sound like he simply called it quits, and of course the people who claim increased spirituality will cure depression. Basically, there's a lot of misinformation being perpetuated here. To get this out of the way, I think suicide is a choice and a wrong choice at that. It should not ...

Apparently, today was Mental Illness Day...whatever that means. I hate saying that I have a mental illness. There's the stigma of course: "But you seem so happy! How can you possibly have depression?"; "If you really had (insert diagnosis here) then why do you seem so normal?"; "You just need to have more faith!"....and so on and so forth. Of course, my various diagnoses certainly classify me as mentally ill--depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Geez, I sound like I should be in a room with padded walls, not a happily married stay-at-home mom! Truth of the matter is, mental health issues are much more common than most people realize. Everyday, you will walk by someone who is struggling with them to varying degrees. Are they over-diagnosed? Possibly, but I think that we're just more aware of it now than we were fifty years ago. Do I have a mental illness? *cringes* Yes, but I am doing everything in my power to not let it define me while trying to ...

Remember that series I started last year called "30 things my kids should know about me"? Yeah, that got put on the back burner. I think I'll start again. So, five passions I have in no particular order... (1) Mental health awareness . Depression, anxiety, etc. are all very real and detrimental. They are illnesses just like cancer, diabetes, autoimmune disorders and should be regarded as such. Acting like they are character failings or telling someone to "snap out of it" only serves to perpetuate the stigma, thus preventing people with mental health issues from seeking the help they need. (2) ICP awareness . Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy is a rare liver disorder that can cause stillbirth, among other things. Too many medical professionals don't know about it, and many women have to fight to even get tested for it. I didn't have to fight for a diagnosis, luckily. ICP also runs strongly in my family, and it is my hope that by the time my daug...

About a month before I graduated from high school, the ward (congregation, for those of you who don't speak Mormon) newsletter specialist called asking about my post-high school plans, so she could put it in the ward newsletter. I gave her the information, and then she said, "Since it's Mother's Day this Sunday, I'm asking people to share the best thing they have learned from their mothers. What's the best thing your mother taught you?" I thought about it for a minute, and then said: "The trash can is your friend." The newsletter specialist laughed hysterically. When the newsletter was distributed the following Sunday, members of our ward got a good laugh out of my quote, and my mom may have been slightly embarrassed. For those of you who know my mom, you know that she is a very talented woman. She plays piano and organ to a very high degree. She can sew just about anything and taught herself to make jewelry. She sings with the Houston Sy...

For some reason, I was really tired today. I didn't sleep too badly last night and Kate even slept in until 8:45! Yet, I was still tired. Just after four o'clock, I decided to lie down...and then I dozed off. Big mistake. Now it's eleven and I am wide awake. Restless. I should not have taken that nap, ugh. Now I won't fall asleep until the middle of the night, and knowing my luck, Kate will wake up really early and I'll be exhausted tomorrow. How am I feeling? I'm mad at myself for taking a nap so late. I'm annoyed that I was so tired for most of the day, and now that it's so late, I'm wide awake. I have no idea what I'm going to do now. I feel like I should have exerted more energy today, but how am I supposed to do that while keeping the Sabbath day holy? I get frustrated with Sundays. I'm still figuring out this "day of rest" business, but if I don't do something that requires more energy than reading scriptures...

And here's a link to the post about me! http://bravehearts11.wordpress.com/2014/02/28/lauras-story/

Image courtesy of webmd A common misconception about depression is that when you have it, it means you are always unhappy. This is why the (frequently shocked) response from those we reveal our struggles to goes something like "but you always seem so happy!" For many of us who have been diagnosed with depression, it is a lifelong battle. There are those who have conquered depression completely, and if there are any of you who read my blog, please know that I am jealous. I hope one day to be rid of depression, but for now I am grateful that I can manage it with therapy and medication. Just like any other long-term illness, you can have periods of time where you are doing really well, but relapses can happen and sometimes without warning. Before I started taking antidepressants, relapses happened a lot. Sometimes I would be doing great one day only to have to force myself out of bed the next. I just thought it was me. After I started my previously very small dose of th...

I promise I'm not trying to be sacrilegious with the title of this post, I just couldn't come up with a better one. I love Josh Groban. I know he has been popular for a long time, but I think it was high school when I first became familiar with him. Remember, I'm pretty slow at catching on to popular things. My French teacher liked to turn on music during quizzes and tests, and sometimes just when we were coming into class. One of these times, she put on a Josh Groban CD and well, I fell in love. I used to joke that I wanted to marry his voice. I mean, who wouldn't want to be serenaded by his voice for all eternity? All joking aside, I know that not everyone is a fan of his, and I totally respect that. Of course, he doesn't just have a great voice, his songs are beautiful and uplifting. His album Awake came out several months before I got my depression and anxiety diagnosis. When I was going through that rough semester, I'm pretty sure I had the song ...

Image Credit Disclaimer: I have been wanting to write this for more than a year, but until now, the time hasn't been right. I share my story not for anyone to worry about or take pity on me, nor am I saying that the path I have chosen is for everyone. I share my story to increase awareness and to help decrease the stigma towards those who struggle with mental illness and/or mood disorders. If you are struggling with these trials or are close to someone who is, you are not alone. I am fully aware that I have opened myself up to scrutiny. Please read this post in full before making comments, and please be kind. I have mentioned here before that I battle depression and anxiety, but I have never shared my story. It's going to be a long post, just warning you. And...here we go. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in the fall of 2007, though I've been battling it for even longer than that. I was a very anxious child: for years I was scared to stay in my own...

"As you start to write, you could ask yourself, 'How did God bless me today?' If you do that long enough and with faith, you will find yourself remembering blessings. And sometimes, you will have gifts brought to your mind which you failed to notice during the day, but which you will then know were a touch of God’s hand in your life."--Henry B. Eyring, October 2007 General Conference I will never forget the weekend when President Eyring gave this talk. I had just been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and had just started receiving counseling through the BYU Counseling Center for it. I was also going through a lot of trials--roommate issues, friend problems, changing my major, grandfather dying...yeah, it wasn't a happy semester. I feel sorry for everyone who either lived with me or had to put up with me somehow, because I was a mess.  Going into conference, I had prayed for counsel in facing these trials, and then President Eyring stood up to give this ta...