Our (Neurodiverse) Family

You may or may not have been wondering why my posts have been sporadic and vague recently, but then again, they're usually sporadic anyway. If you are my friend on Facebook, then you know that my husband was laid off a few weeks ago because of budget cuts out of his company's control. Stephan didn't feel comfortable with me sharing that until this last week, and I wanted to respect his wishes. As far as layoffs go, it could be worse. It happened right after he got paid and we will be paid for this month, though if we don't have a job with benefits by October, we'll be without health insurance. Yeah, got to get on that, though I have no idea how we're going to pay for it. Health insurance: can't afford to not have it, can't afford to actually get it. We've been doing well, all things considered. I just hate venturing into the unknown: will we have to move? What if he's out of work for several months? Do I need to start looking for a job myse...

This last week has been nuts. On Sunday, I started miscarrying. There have been many emotions surrounding that--grief, relief, moodiness, etc. Then on Monday night, our air conditioning died. Going through a miscarriage and having your air conditioner die in the middle of July is just as awful as it sounds. Did I mention that our condo is on the top floor? Yup. I talked to our landlord the next morning and she gave me the number for the company that could come fix our AC. When I called the AC people, the earliest they could send a repair man by was Wednesday afternoon. While it was nice knowing that there was help coming, having to go through yet another night of no air conditioning was not fun. Thankfully, a friend invited Kate and me over to her air conditioned house, so we didn't need to spend all day sweating in our own. Kate and her son (whose name is Jonah) really hit it off too, and it was so nice to have adult interaction. I also bought fans to help us get through...

Yesterday, the internet news world ignited with news that Kate Kelly (founder of Ordain Women) and John Dehlin (the man behind Mormon Stories) are facing the possibility of excommunication. To those who are not familiar with disciplinary counsels in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, it would seem like this is some kind of a witch hunt. It's not. While I am not intimately familiar with the workings of disciplinary counsels, I have learned about how they work. My dad served as a bishop when I was in high school and my father-in-law is currently serving as bishop. I alos have many relatives who have served in leadership callings--in fact, my grandmother's cousin is currently a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, though I have never met him. Here is the first thing you need to know about disciplinary counsels: they are NOT made public. Great pains are taken to keep them as discreet as possible to protect the individual's privacy. My dad couldn'...

In this week before Easter, many LDS bloggers are sharing their testimonies of Jesus Christ and His sacrifice. I am including myself among these voices. One of my favorite parts of the video I share with this post is the quote "despair becomes hope." As someone who has been battling depression and anxiety for most of my life, I can attest to this. Of course, those who know my story  probably wonder how it is possible for me to continue having faith through my battle with mental illness. Let me tell you: it hasn't been easy. In fact, there have been times when I've very nearly given up. There were times when my pain was so unbearable that I did not think I could go on, where there was even a part of me that wished to die so I could be free of the pain of my depression and anxiety. I felt alone, so very alone. I even came to a point where I was convinced that no one would care if something bad happened to me. I felt like no one understood. When no one else know...

I promise I'm not trying to be sacrilegious with the title of this post, I just couldn't come up with a better one. I love Josh Groban. I know he has been popular for a long time, but I think it was high school when I first became familiar with him. Remember, I'm pretty slow at catching on to popular things. My French teacher liked to turn on music during quizzes and tests, and sometimes just when we were coming into class. One of these times, she put on a Josh Groban CD and well, I fell in love. I used to joke that I wanted to marry his voice. I mean, who wouldn't want to be serenaded by his voice for all eternity? All joking aside, I know that not everyone is a fan of his, and I totally respect that. Of course, he doesn't just have a great voice, his songs are beautiful and uplifting. His album Awake came out several months before I got my depression and anxiety diagnosis. When I was going through that rough semester, I'm pretty sure I had the song ...

Okay, I didn't post on Sunday, but I am posting nonetheless. This is just a summary of the good things about last week. Last week was a challenging week mainly because Kate was *not* sleeping well. At all. Nap time and bedtime were both things to dread. As a result, we were tired and she was clingy, and I didn't get much done. Ironically, Sunday night last week, she slept for a glorious eleven hours. However, there were blessings that came last week, though they weren't what I expected. On Wednesday, I woke up exhausted. I had no idea how I was going to get through that day. I knelt down in prayer and said, "I need help. I'm tired. I have so much to do. I need help." When I got up from the prayer, I felt directed to get showered and dressed, and to take Kate to a local children's garden just down the highway from us. So I did. Kate watched a "Blue's Clues" episode happily while I took a quick shower and got dressed. A tender mercy, for ...

"As you start to write, you could ask yourself, 'How did God bless me today?' If you do that long enough and with faith, you will find yourself remembering blessings. And sometimes, you will have gifts brought to your mind which you failed to notice during the day, but which you will then know were a touch of God’s hand in your life."--Henry B. Eyring, October 2007 General Conference I will never forget the weekend when President Eyring gave this talk. I had just been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and had just started receiving counseling through the BYU Counseling Center for it. I was also going through a lot of trials--roommate issues, friend problems, changing my major, grandfather dying...yeah, it wasn't a happy semester. I feel sorry for everyone who either lived with me or had to put up with me somehow, because I was a mess.  Going into conference, I had prayed for counsel in facing these trials, and then President Eyring stood up to give this ta...