Rings and marriage

Five years ago on Pi Day, Stephan proposed to me in the front seat of his family's beat-up old Buick (yeah, I know, not YouTube worthy) with this wooden ring he made for the occasion.

I'm engaged! Squee!

You see, he wanted the proposal to be a surprise, but he also wanted me to be able to pick out a ring. The wooden ring was a stand-in until I got this ring

Stephan had to talk me into getting the more expensive, sparkly diamond. 

When I first got my ring, I was so proud of it. I may or may not have been one of those obnoxious engaged girls who showed off her ring to anyone who would let her. I bragged about how superlative the diamond was, and how the metal was so high-quality that it was scratch resistant. I couldn't get enough of my ring. On sunny days, I would hold hold my hand out in such a way that it would catch the sun and REALLY sparkle. Seriously, I stared at that ring for months.

A ring shot :)

Picture taken by Rachel Mary Photography

Yeah, about that scratch-resistant thing...

Almost two months after we got engaged, I noticed scratches on the bottom part of my ring. At the time, I was home visiting my family and having my mother drag my hand around showing everyone my ring. I showed the scratches to her, and she said, "That's normal. Over time, the metal will develop a new finish."

And over time, she has been right. My ring has developed a new finish that I actually prefer to the initial "shiny".

This has caused me to wax philosophical. Bear with me :)

We look so young...and well-rested. Also, I like how my hair looks in this picture.

Picture taken by Rachel Mary Photography

It took me a few dates to warm up to Stephan (that's another story), but once I did, I looked forward to our dates with eager anticipation, especially since we were only able to see each other on weekends for the first months of our relationship. When we got engaged, we wanted the whole world to know we were in love. We were in the shiny, sparkly days of our relationship. We also planned our future with much enthusiasm--I would work so I could get him through school (I was graduating, after all), he would get his degree, and life would continue on without a hitch! There would be no scratches to our shiny love.

As it always does, life happened, and we got scratched, figuratively speaking.

Unemployment. Learning to relate. Car accident. Depression. Anxiety. Money troubles. Illness. Disagreements. Heavy course loads. Church callings. A complicated pregnancy. Adjusting to life as parents. Moving. Growing pains. Housework. I could go on.

The only way my ring would never get scratched is if I either (a) never wore my ring or (b) never did anything that could even possibly scratch it. With regards to (a), why get a pretty engagement ring if I'm never going to wear it? That, and I'm pretty sure Stephan wouldn't be very happy if I never wore it. Heck, I'd be upset if Stephan didn't ever wear his wedding ring.  Then (b)...well, I'd miss out on A LOT if I didn't do anything, and frankly, where would the joy be?

So it goes with marriage. The guaranteed way to avoid marital problems? Don't get married. This works if you aren't dating anyone or if you know you are with the wrong person. But if you are with the right person, you would probably miss out on a lot of happiness and adventure.

Before I continue, I am only talking about the normal ups and downs of marriage, NOT abusive marriages. If you are in an abusive relationship, get help in whatever way you can.

My ring may not super shiny like it was when I first got it, but it has a nice glow to it that I am quite fond of.

I am more in love with Stephan now than when we got engaged those five years ago, and it's because of all the scratches we've taken on that I love him more. We've been together during the good times and bad times, and we've seen each other at our worse. Oh gosh, Stephan has seen me at the very worst with my depression and anxiety and yet the man is still crazy about me. He's a saint, I'm telling you.

Just like jewelry, any relationship can be better with a little polishing and cleaning. Even just a short "I love you" text message can do wonders for a relationship.

Even though the metal on the band has a different finish than it did when I first got it, my diamond still sparkles like no other.

My ring...five years later (well, almost)

If you are curious as to the whereabouts of the wooden ring, it now resides in my jewelry box. I am happy to show it to anyone who cares to see it :)